Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Sunday, April 22, 2007

The music that filled my vacation (part one)

Yay, the first half of my vacAtion is coming to an end in about 16 days and i feel i oughta express something about all the happenings! i really cant believe i have been outta school 4 whole months! I remember november 13th like it was yesterday.. the day i started my finals and dude i have even gotten my results to those sh*tty papers, thank God for his mercies cuz i sure did pass. I havent so much as achieved many of my goals that i had set but it mostly comes down to my migration to this strange mans land.. i think.
In these four months, i have mastered the art of loving,♥♥ giving, FORGIVENESS, caring, being loved ♥, SHOPPING,religion, putting others before me (that was the hardest to learn..lol) missing my people, and most of all always treasuring that which i have! I have also learned to survive without my friends.. yeah to some extent you guys were my world but oi i am surviving...but i still love ♥ you too bits and miss you like crazy! I have to testify that i have matured alot.. its even scary, i have learned to prioritise..(can you believe i still have no cell fone? hehehe.)
I have met many people..way too many people in this short while.The interesting, extremely boring, the loving, the lovable ones, the bitches, the hypocrites, the lustful ones, the sex starved, the pimps, the bold and the beautiful, the drug addicts, the helpuful i can only go so far in describing them! I am glad though that you have all crossed paths with me!I have had a bunch of regrets but i will always say life is too short for regrets.. of course i regret ever knowing certain people but hey they ain got no shit on me..
Yes i am still emotional and have had my fair share of tears but i have also been strengthened. I have learned that i am one of those people who revolves people's worlds when they talk about me... make any sense? nah.. i will rephrase.. people derive joy out of having long pointless conversations involving my name! lol.
I finally decided get rid of this whole single status business after months and months... well it (the relationship) was short lived but it sure had been a while and i am always looking at the bright side of whatever went down! In these four months i have been linked to a bunch of guys, the *millionare's son (:-) ), the preacher's kid, the aspiring musician, the Pisces, the wierd dude, the obsessed one, one of my best of friends, the ultimate GEEK, mr.BOring, mr. caniborrowyourlighter (dude, i dont smoke) and of all these i have had a real connection with only one of them.. yeah i dont pride in multi tasking boys!
The fun times sure have existed... our last gurls day out.. oi i miss you guys!!! al zawadi, cheese bar, fusion nine, and basically being with my siblings!!! i love you guys!! ♥♥♥
I know not what the future has in store for me but i am learning to be optimistic, yeah sometimes we dont always get what we want but by the grace of God, we some how manage. I believe that my next part will be filled with loadsa smilies as i'm hoping the last half is going to be a better and funner half.♥Watch this space for part 2!

isn't it amazing?

*isnt it amazing that the people who look the happiest on the outside are the saddest deep inside?
*isnt it amazing that those who have nothing materially have the most literally?
*isnt it amazing that those who try to reach out to us the most are the ones that need to be reached out to the most?
*isnt it amazing that what we often go out so far to seek is usually right infront of us?
*isnt it amazing that the people we tend to push away the most are the ones ready to be there for us the most?
*isnt it amazing how we often feel so alone in this world and yet there are so many people around us?
*isnt it so amazing how we sometimes need to cry but the tears just wont come .....worse still if they do, they hurt like salt on a sore wound?
*isnt it amazing how friends tend to be greater family than your true family?
*isnt it amazing that those who hurt you the most are the ones you ought to love the most?
*isnt it amazing how in life, you're the player forced into the game and most times you suck at the game?
*isnt it amazing how just a few words can break someone's heart but even fewer.... i love you can be the healing balm?
*isnt it amazing how people demamd respect but they dont take the time to give respect?
*isnt it amazing how people expect so much from you...even much more than you can give but are not even ready to give you a tenth of what you give?
*isnt it amazing that at the end of it all, you are still expected not to hate the player... but the game?
*isnt it amazing that those who try the most get the least out of it all?
*isnt it amazing that very often, boys dont get itbefore a relationship and girls never get it at the end?
*isnt it amazing how when in trouble even the shortest disatnce seems like eons of miles away? *isnt it amazing how we all sit down to watch 22men running after an inflated piece of plastic? *isnt it amazing how we are quick to promise the troubled our prayers but even quicker to forget to pray for them?
*isnt it amazing how people drink to forget their problems yet in actual sense, problems can swim... i mean they show up the next morning.
*isnt it amazing how we are so afraid of death, rather than the life unlived?
*isnt it amazing how we never appreciate how much we have till its actually gone and then we are too busy mourning over the loss?
*isnt it amazing how when we are born we cry,yet all those around us are so joyful and when we die, finally done with this earth we are happy while everyone is crying?
*isnt it amazing that at funerals of even the worst people, nice things are said?
*isnt it amazing how every girl looks for Mr. Right..what happens to all the Mr. Wrongs then? *isnt it amazing how in life we focus so much on getting so wealthy and when we finally do,we are too busy to enjoy the fruits of our wealth?
*isnt it amazing how we sometimes cry but no one hears us?

-i met a "friend"-

Last week but one, I had no friend
But that was all the past
Because only three days later, I met a "friend".
The joy that filled my heart,
only I can explain, for a new
found treasure I hold close to my heart.

"Always keep it friend."
I cowardly say but for fear of
broken trust, i have to let him know.
We laugh and talk, and share alot,
feels good to have a "friend" again.

One week later,
It all comes to a sudden end.
Alot of broken trust, can't let me keep the "friend".
as i stand facing him, I hold back tears,
as I hate to let him know how bad it hurt.

"Do me a favour and don't come back."
Is all i manage to say to him.
He asks to explain, but i'm too hurt to listen.
with one final glance, I bid him farewell.
'Auf wiedershen "friend".'
I slam the door and start to cry.

Friday, April 13, 2007

That One who makes you smile.

I look around and of all i see,
You alone stand out from them all
You make me smile and smile with me
And when i cry, you sure cry with me.

Undeserving i feel for all the love you give me
but grateful i am that you give it to me.
For my life without you in it,
would be a bit hazy or moreso cloudy.

As I go to bed tonight, a prayer so
simple yet special i say for you.
"God bless my Momma
Everyday of her life."

i broke a heart.

"Mama it's him! I finally found him."
I run to find mother to let her know,
that i finally found that perfect man
we sit and chatter excitedly, like kids
as this is indeed a reason to celebrate.

Right and i get along so well,
and soon become the envy of many.
The joy he causes me is soo undescribable,
and for sure i know i light up his world.

Months go by and soon the love,
all starts to mould, all fading too fast.
I still care but there's that one thing
that don't feel so right as it once used to.
I try so hard, but it wont come back.

I cry myself to sleep at night,
For the love is gone, i feel it no more.
Confession feels like death itself
but its just one of those things,
one way or another i gots to face it!

"I just dont love you no more."
I let him know before hastily
leaving him at the restaurant table.
Looking back at him, for a final goodbye,
All i see is a broken heart!
I hate to leave but i really must!

The Cold Within!

as i stand at the edge,
looking around me, i focus
on so much, this far has brought me.
taking a peek below, i shudder to think
that at the bottom of the deep engulfing darkness,
my destiny is held.

to many, this may sound like a crazy philosophy
but for sure the cold within does kill.
a feeling so deep and hard to explain
all feels like I'm caught in none,
none other than the ice age.

as i shiver despite the warm sunshine
i alone know how cold i feel
so empty deep down inside
i wish it was all different;
and not cold at all.

the time is now the time to go
oh yes i gots to meet the end
and soon when you all gather to mourn,
don't wonder at what got the best of me,
always know it was the COLD WITH IN!